Why High-Performing Women Struggle to Rest Without Guilt
You ever sit down to rest… and suddenly feel anxious? Your mind starts spinning and you start thinking of everything you should or could be doing instead of resting like:
Cleaning up
Answering emails
Working out
Returning calls
Producing
Fixing a meal
Helping somebody
Sounds familiar? You’re physically sitting still, but mentally you’re still running as you always do. A lot of women don’t actually know how to rest without guilt. Trust that you are not an anomaly. And if we’re keeping it a buck, cause it’s the only way to be. Some of us have built our entire identity around being needed.
Productivity Became Our Identity
Some of us became accustomed to being needed. We were praised for being “strong”, “reliable”, and “always handling things". Somewhere along the way, rest started feeling irresponsible. We saw rest as an enemy of our progress. You know why? It’s because busyness became proof of worth. We believed that the more we produced, the more valuable we were. Some women don’t rest because they truly don’t know who they are outside of surviving or producing. Slowing down can feel uncomfortable because silence exposes exhaustion.
The Strong Woman Role Is Costly
Exhaustion is the end result of constantly being “the strong one” that everyone grows to depend on. You become the problem solver for everyone. The one that speaks up for everyone. You carry the emotional labor of it all and it begins to weigh you down. Unfortunately, because this is your identity, this is how you show up in every role be it: mother, wife, leader, friend, caretaker, and more. You end up having caregiver fatigue, especially if you are also a nurse or leader. You lead everyone, but yourself. My question to you is: When is the last time you rested without needing to earn it first?
Rest Is Not Weakness
Rest never has to be earned. It is your birthright. Contrary to capitalistic programming, rest is absolutely necessary. It is body maintenance and not laziness. Your nervous system was not designed for constant output. We are meant to rest. We don’t need to be in constant motion. We are not machines, but even machines need to rest and recharge. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. You don’t get more accolades for neglecting your body’s desire for rest. Resting the body is a form of self-respect. Burnout does not equal purpose. Sadly, some women who are proud of surviving lifestyles that are quietly destroying them.
Why Guilt Shows Up During Rest
It is unfortunate that guilt will creep in and takeover the mind when you are trying to get rest. What causes the guilt though? It is the fear of disappointing people especially if you are a member of a cultural where women are seen as endless bodies of service who should keep giving like they are machines. Black and Brown women have especially been conditioned to believe that their value is attached to their usefulness to others whether it be for family, society, religious institutions, and the like. Heaven forbid you become overwhelmed and struggle to keep up with the demands. You then fear that you’ll be labeled lazy or worse. You don’t want to be seen as someone who loses control and can’t handle life. Moreover, we have watched our mothers overwork themselves and unconsciously repeated the pattern. However, this ends with us.
What Healthy Rest Actually Looks Like
We are going to master getting rest. I know you have many questions. You’re thinking , but how? What does healthy rest even look like? It looks like being able to sit in quiet and doing absolutely nothing. It means you don’t have to answer the phone. You don’t have to be accessible. You are not available to anyone to do any favors just because you are off. This mindset has truly set me free and it’ll do the same for you! It also means being able to say no and not overexplain your decision not to be available. I have a designated rest, sleep and do nothing day once a week. Rest can be movement without punishment. You can allow yourself to exist without constant productivity. How are you going to do this well….with boundaries. Yes you have to sit down, develop and implement your boundaries. Remember that rest isn’t quitting on your responsibilities. It is refusing to abandon yourself while handling them.
In closing, you do not have to earn rest by burning yourself into the ground first. The goal is not to become less ambitious. The goal is to become whole while you pursue what matters. Regulated women perform better and healed women stop glorifying exhaustion. If this resonated with you, you’re exactly the type of woman we talk to inside Curvy Fit Chicks and invite to our virtual women’s retreat. Women learning how to become disciplined, healthy, consistent and whole without abandoning themselves in the process.